- By NJ Great Moving
- In General
How to Move Out After a Breakup
Breaking up is never easy, but it’s especially hard if you live together. Moving out after a breakup gets complicated as you will need to resolve issues such as dividing up shared belongings, organizing the house/apartment on move out, and deciding custody of children if you have them. Even if you broke up on good terms, figuring out the logistics of the move can lead to some heated arguments if not planned properly. And while you might not be able to completely alleviate the stress and tension, there are a few things you can do to make the move a bit easier on both of you.
Keep Your Emotions in Check During the Move
This is easier said than done. If your partner and you have decided to end your relationship, chances are emotions are running high even if both parties agree to the break up. This can make it difficult to discuss the logistics of moving, leading to unnecessary squabbling and ultimately more hurt feelings.
If possible, get a hotel room or stay with a friend for a few days to put some distance between you and your ex. While it might not be feasible to move out immediately, you should do your best to try to wrap things up as soon as possible. After your emotions have cooled a bit, discuss the move strategy with your ex to figure out next steps like when you are going to move your things out, etc. If you can’t afford to live by yourself, reach out to your network to see if there are any friends or even co-workers looking for a roommate. It might not be ideal, but you at least want a short term solution until you can figure out a long-term solution.
Divvy Up Your Belongings
For many people, this is one of the hardest parts of breaking up with someone you lived with. The longer you live together, the more you share everything from bank accounts to furniture. Naturally, you’ll want to keep anything that belongs to you like your laptop, cellphone, clothes, etc. However, for the shared items, consider creating a list of your top wants and have your ex do the same thing.
If you notice a lot of overlap, take a second look at your list and see if you can whittle it down to a few big ticket items and certain sentimental items. You can always buy new things and it might even be better for you in the long run as you won’t have a constant reminder of your ex.
There are times when you might want to get a mediator or lawyer involved most notably when dealing with children and pets. With a child, you will need to go through court and hire a lawyer to handle custody hearings. When it comes to pets, you definitely want to have a third-party present to hear both sides and provide a fair judgment.
No one wants to part with the family pet, but there are plenty of extenuating circumstances to consider such as how closely a pet is bonded to one person or the other, financial security, how much time the person has to take care of the pet, and so on. If you end up keeping a pet that your ex adopted, you can go to the vet to fill out a pet ownership transfer form.
Remember, this step should focus on dividing up your mutual belongings and should not be used as a way to take revenge on your ex. More importantly, make a clear list of all the items that you will be taking with you and leave a copy with your ex. It might even be a good idea to have them sign the document agreeing to the list. That way, should they decide to change their mind, you have a physical document with their signature.
Hire Professional Movers for a Hassle-Free Move
You want to make the move as quick and painless as possible, which means reducing the amount of trips you need to make. Hiring movers might not be cheap, but it will help you get everything out quickly and easily. Even if you don’t have a new home yet, you should try to get your stuff out as soon as possible. Many professional moving companies offer short and long-term storage options for decent rates. You can even hire them for packing services if you don’t have the time to pack everything yourself!
Before you call the movers, make sure to create an inventory of everything you’re taking with you and label all the boxes. Have your ex double check your list to make sure you aren’t taking anything that you didn’t agree on beforehand. Once everything is settled, schedule movers as soon as possible. Ideally, you would want to move on a day when your ex is not around. If that’s not possible, then having a moving crew there can serve as a nice buffer if your ex tries to give you any trouble.
Enjoy the Moving Process and Stay Positive
Break ups and moves are hard. There’s no more appropriate time to lean on your support network than when you have to do both at the same time. Don’t be afraid to let the waterworks go in front of your loved ones and let them pamper you. You might not feel like it, but a little TLC can go a long way to healing. Suggest a spa appointment or even a short vacation out of town if you can manage it. If your budget is stretched thin, then consider a night in with your friends. You might feel broken and fragile, but it’s usually better to go out and enjoy yourself instead of being depressed by yourself.
If you don’t have any friends or family available, then find ways to make yourself feel better. Don’t neglect your health. Make sure you eat well, exercise, and get some fresh air. Now is also a great time to try out some new activities and maybe even make some new friends. Don’t jump into dating right away, but it’s never a bad idea to make new connections with other people.
Move Into Your New Place
Once you’ve found the perfect place it’s time to move in and that means decorating! While it might feel weird at first being on your own (or with a roommate) it’s the perfect opportunity to create a space that lifts your spirits. Avoid putting up any keepsakes from your previous relationship just yet. You might want to hide those under your bed or in storage for a few months. Instead, use this opportunity to experiment with new styles and colors. Splurge a little with some fancy sheets or a nice floor lamp. A new place means endless possibilities so don’t constrict yourself! Focus on adding things that make you happy.
Once you’ve moved in, don’t forget to reward yourself. Small things such as buying your favorite coffee or getting a massage after unpacking can positively impact your mental health. More importantly, it will create positive associations with your move, making it a little easier to get over your ex.
While this might be one of the most difficult times in your life, it doesn’t have to be more difficult than it already is. Following these steps can make the breakup a bit easier on you and your ex.
If you’re ready to move out, make sure to hire knowledgeable and professional movers who can handle your belongings with care. As tempting as it might be to go with the first company you find, make sure to do your research and get multiple quotes so you can find the movers that match your budget and needs.
FAQ
What if I need to move out without my ex knowing?
Moving out secretly requires a good amount of planning as you will need to match up your ex’s schedule as well as your and the movers availability. Your best bet is to move when your ex is at work. That might mean taking time off your own work, but if they tend to be homebody otherwise, it might be your only option. When you pack, take only what you absolutely need and leave everything else.
You want to be able to pack the same day as your move to reduce suspicion. That might mean scheduling the movers mid-day and using the morning to pack. After that, make sure to lock up the apartment and find a safe place to leave the key. Do NOT leave a forwarding address!
Where can I find short term rentals?
It depends on how much time you need to find a permanent place. AirBnB might be a good option for stays less than a month. If you need more time, you might want to find apartments in your area that offer month-to-month leases.
What happens if the movers damage something my ex owns?
Your ex should call the movers directly and request payment for their damages.
